My Comic Relief

When I became a mother, I had all sorts of grand expectations! I would spend hours reading books to my kids, spend ample time holding them and kissing their sweet cheeks, teach them all sorts of valuable life lessons... oh what a pretty picture! And while these wonderful things do indeed happen, they are often overshadowed by the not so pleasant moments of discipline, yelling, crying, cleaning, etc. One thing I really didn't expect, that continually comes as a most pleasant surprise, is how often these crazy kids would make me laugh. Not a day goes by that one of them doesn't say or do something that makes me giggle. A few examples of this, you ask? I will be more than happy to oblige you!

For those of you who spend a lot of time at our house, you know that you pretty much take your safety and LIFE into your own hands when you choose to sit at one of our kitchen chairs. Honestly, I should probably have people fill out liability waivers before offering them a seat. Brandon was attempting to fix one of the treacherous chairs when McKenna came in the room. The following conversation ensued:

McKenna: Are you trying to fix that chair?
Brandon: No (for those of you who don't know Brandon well, he is notorious for never being able to give a serious answer to any question you might ask him)
McKenna: Are you trying to break that chair?
Brandon: Yes
McKenna: Can I help you?

After a few more minutes of conversation, which mostly included McKenna asking numerous questions, Brandon says, "Kenna, you ask too many questions."
To which she replied "Um... how old are you? What's your favorite color? What do you like to eat?" Along with any other question she could rattle off the top of her head. This girl is 7! Where did she learn to be such a sass?

Mathew is my very favorite to listen to right now. Almost every word that comes out of his mouth is so entertaining, I'm constantly running to the computer to log what he says before he grows up and I forget how cute he used to be! Here's some of my recent favorites.

While enduring a cold a few weeks ago, he started losing his voice, which confused him to no end. He could not understand why his voice didn't sound normal. Apparently him being sick (like I explained to him) just didn't make sense. Here was his much more reasonable explanation:

“I have wrappers in my throat. I guess I swallowed some wrappers from my candy and it’s making my voice sound funny.” Much more sensible, right?

Pardon the vague TMI, but we have yet to properly train Mathew in the art of wiping himself after he has made a solid deposit into the toilet. For this reason, he has made a habit of finding me and letting me know whenever he is about to take care of business. The other day I was getting ready in my bathroom when Mathew came running in. He looked at me, smiled, dropped his drawers and plopped himself onto my toilet and then said, "It's a good thing you're in here!"

When we were about to leave the house to meet my sister for lunch a few weeks ago, I asked Mathew to go get ready. A few minutes later he appeared in my doorway and asked, "Mom, do you think I look handsome-ish, cool-ish?"
This is very important, since one never wants to look too handsome or cool. One must always settle for the "ish" so as not to intimidate other people!

Mathew has recently decided that he does not like going to church. This in itself isn't funny. In fact, it makes me sad and I hope it's just a phase that will soon pass. A couple Sundays ago I told Mathew it was time to get ready for church, in which he exclaimed, "There's no such thing as church!"
Admittedly, it was a brilliant plan he devised, but Brandon and I are equally brilliant and were fortunately not taken in by his evil schemes.

Mathew was putting socks on the other day and he made this observation,
"Mom, do you know why socks keep your feet warm? It’s because they’re feet blankets!”

Mathew has also recently become quite lazy. During his final days of preschool, every time I picked him up without a car, he would be incredibly put out. This exact conversation was very frequently repeated:
Mathew: "Where's the car?"
Myself: "I didn't bring it. We're going to walk home."
Mathew: "I don't WANNA walk!!" (Spoken in the best, whiny, 5-year-old voice he could muster)
Myself: "It's good to walk! We want exercise so we can be healthy and strong."
Mathew: "No it doesn't! I'm tired and walking makes me lose my strong power!"

I would go into the daily antics of Nathaniel, but he's at the height of his cuteness right now and every dumb little thing he does makes me giggle. I'm quite certain I get such a kick out of him simply because he's my son and I love him to little tiny pieces!

I acknowledge that most of these things are only found hysterical to me because they're my kids and I am obliged to think them each a comical genius; but I can't help but find that whenever life gets so hard that I just want to sit down and cry, my kids are always there to remind me how much more enjoyable it is to throw my head back and laugh!