Getting back to good

I love my new baby girl... I really, really do. What I don't love is the anxious, weepy, grumpy girl I become after having a new baby. Call it hormones, call it exhaustion, call it excess fat and flabby skin... I just know that it takes me weeks and weeks (sometimes months and months) to start feeling like myself again. We've all been trying to find our own ways to adjust to the new little person in our lives. For me, the past 4 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions - the most common being the irresistible urge to throttle my 2-year-old. I fear I brought on his ultra neediness myself, through self-manifesting statements like, "I'm not looking forward to Nathaniel's reaction to me having this new baby" and "Nathaniel is going to have a hard time sharing his mommy". You know, it's not always a good thing to be right. But alas, how can I stay mad at a little boy who looks like this?



I'm afraid I'm a bit of a softy when it comes to this little monster, and he's always forgiven his tantrums and antics before I'm ever able to give into any violent urges.

As expected, McKenna is absolutely loving having a little sister to dote on. She holds her, sings to her, tells her stories, and is on a constant mission to be the first one to make Gracee smile. 8 1/2 years isn't too big a gap for these two to be future best buddies, is it?

I can't say Mathew has been incredibly involved in the whole Gracee scene. If it wasn't for his occasional "Hi Gracee!" I would wonder if he's even noticed that we added a new member to our little family. The only change he's really made is that he's now prone to carrying around one of his many stuffed animals, wrapped up in a small blanket. If you show the slightest interest in his "baby", he'll talk your ear off about his baby's sleeping, eating, and playing habits. Just a fair warning.

Brandon is a trooper. He continues to be patient and supportive no matter how many times he has to wonder in exasperation why I'm crying again. I'm still managing very little house work. Not because I'm still healing, but more because I'm exhausted and would rather escape real life by sleeping, reading a book, or watching Entertainment Television (hey, we all have our guilty pleasures). Brandon doesn't even roll his eyes (that I know of) when he comes home to a messy house and another non-existent meal. I have a feeling I'm pushing it though and should probably start stepping up my game a little. Almost every night, you'll find him and Gracee in this position. Once the older kids are in bed, Brandon has dibs on his baby girl.

My Gracee girl is a sweet little baby. She does a lot of this...



and this...




and this...



and very little of this...


(Don't you just love the outfit?? Courtesy of my bestie, Katie)

Seriously, this girl can SLEEP (except between the hours of 3:00 am - 5:30 am... the ONLY time of day or night that she feels like fussing... of course). I'm very in love with my little baby doll and can't wait for her to give me a smile or some sort of acknowledgement that she just might love me too.

The last 4 weeks have flown by in a tornado of laughter, yelling, and tears. I'm still feeling a little psychotic, but I think I'm starting to have more good days than bad. I'm slowly making my way back to good, and I'm sure my family will be ready and beyond thrilled to welcome back their mostly normal wife/mother with open arms.